It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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