you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
