When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
