isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
