Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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