i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
