dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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