Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize