The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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