She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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