Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
