remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
