Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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