remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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