she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No subtext here. People are naked.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
