Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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