Can Purell be used as lube?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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