My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
