i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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