I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
