Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
