HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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