worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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