mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
