My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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