fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
