Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize