I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize