So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
