didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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