I hate all girls vehemently.
I need help removing her.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
