If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
