i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
