think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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