i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
