My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
did i walk over a car last night?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
