i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize