is your mom at the bar?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
