I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
