Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
