First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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