Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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