So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want to be your penis for a week.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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