i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
