I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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