I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
