Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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