IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
