umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
