I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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