32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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