Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
