you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
