Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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