i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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