the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
being pregnant is like rehab
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
