Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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