oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
