I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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