Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
