I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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