Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
