thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
