Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
