What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Girls should come with a carfax report
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
