The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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