But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
