I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
