You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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