haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
