Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
