Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
